Me WHO??

I think that I learned something valuable this weekend.  I think that there is a reason that I am still single.  I am for the most part very happy but even after almost 3 years I don't really truly know deep down what I want.  What I want for me, for my life, for my kids?  I think I have a good idea of what I want and who I want but now as I ask myself what I want I am questioning it.  

I have done alot and lived alot over the past few years on my own and I have learned alot about myself.  I think that I am always myself and true to myself but I do think there is a part of me that will form to the people that I am with.  But I think there is alot more of me that I need to find. 

As they say that every woman lives the exact love life that she wants.  Well what do I want?  Is this truly what I want to be by myself?  I know I have fun on my own and I have absolutely no problem going out by myself.  In fact I have become some what accustomed to it.  Am I pushing these men away on purpose? 

I guess I need to spend some more time and figure out exactly what it is I want.....  Wish me luck!

Baldness

I am not one to normally remember the content of my dreams.  It seems like some nights I wake up constantly from dreams but I can’t exactly remember what they were about.  But last night I had a dream that my hair was falling out and I had a huge bald patch on the side of my head.  Dream interpretation of Bald is loss of strength and power.  This coming the night that I decided to have a major mental setback (not a complete breakdown) for various reasons.  Oddly it all made a lot of sense to me.  This was a sign to me to get it together because subconsciously my thoughts were doing more damage to me than I thought. 

Step One

I read that the first step on your road to self discovery is to write a letter to yourself.  So hear it goes......

Dear LeaAnn,

What your grandfather did to you was horrible and wrong and not your fault.  Some people are sick.  He is gone and you have to stop letting him stand between you and your happiness.  The past is the past.  Not all men are horrible sick people and you need to learn to trust them.  You have the strength to know what is good for you and your girls.  Trust you gut instinct and it will guide you.

You are a strong, bright, kind person.  You are a good writer and you need to stop holding back.  When you write it is great and it will be great.  You can and will be successful at whatever you choose to do.  You need to find your passion and run with it.  You will be ok. 

You need to quit being in such a hurry to find love.  You don’t need a man to be happy, you have proven that.  You have grown in the past 2 years and you have more growing to do.  Find yourself, enjoy being single, enjoy dating, and live your life to the fullest.  Take advantage of being single while you can.  Live big, Laugh loud and be yourself. 

Quit attaching yourself to men that just aren’t interested.  If they are interested they will let you know and they will make it happen.  Love will find you when you least expect it and it will be worth waiting for.  It will be better than anything you could chase.  You do have to open yourself up for it and let it in.  When you are ready it will happen for you, even it takes longer than you think it should.   

Your girls will grow up and be ok.  They are good girls and believe it or not you are a good mom.  You’ve heard your girls say so, even though they don’t always.  Keep encouraging them and be there for them when they need it.  You are raising them to be strong like you are.

Live your life, Be Happy, Love Yourself and Dream Big.  It will all happen for you.   Believe it and it will happen!!!!!!!!

Love Always,

LeaAnn