KARMA IS A BITCH!!

Karma is the biggest bitch... She will be coming around the mountain when she comes... Anyways!

I got a call from my ex, ya the father of my 3 girls that does not pay me a penny to support his kids or has only seen them 2 xs this year. (sorry ranting and raving). 

Well I pick up the phone and the usual Hello, hello

Me - Yeah. (me)

Ex - Do you remember that accident we (yeah we) got into in '95 when you were pregnant with Andrea?

Me - Yeah?

Ex - Well I got a suspension notice on my license from that ticket. (his ticket for being an ass and getting into a wreckless accident)

Me - And?

Ex - Well, didn't we have Jim Roman (lawyer) take care of that?

Me - I guess I don't know.

Ex - Really you don't know?  You can't check?

Me - Umm well I gotta go I'm at work...

Click -- Oh I am so missing this old fashioned phones you could slam and let out the frustration.

Are you fucking kidding me?  Will I help?  Do I care? WTF? Why don't you ask your GF for the past year and a half to deal with your stupid shit? I am DONE with it!  Maybe if I actually saw a penny from you I might care that you will lose your job with no license.  Oh no *look of fear* really no money anymore?!? Huh?  Maybe if you helped support your children I might care that you have a job.... 

Did I mention that he is a truck driver -- No License No JOB

Sorry hunny, KARMA IS A BITCH-- EAT IT!! 

*singing without a tune* EAT IT, EAT IT, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS EAT IT

Oh wait or is it Beat it??? O well...

My Dream

OK Ladies I have decided to do it.  I want to and have wanted to for a long time to write a series of Children's books to help make them aware of and hopefully prevent child abuse and sexual abuse and seeking help if necessary.  You know some of those controversial issues that some people are afraid to address but need it. 

As some of you may know I have definately dealt with enough of it in my life and my childhood and I really want to prevent it for others.  If for noone else atleast for my three girls. 

I am currently taking a Children's Literature Course with the Children's Literature Institute in Mass.  I think this has been agreat start but it is taking much longer than it should and I would like due to my time limitations.  But I will get there. 

I also have become involved with Dove's Young Girls Self Esteem Workshops and True You.  Which I unfortunately have not had any time to have any workshops.  I plan on having one in the near future with my girl scout troop to get started here.  Again timing being an issue.  I hope that this will help me with finding the important issues with these girls and help me get into thier frame of mind to relate with them. 

I guess I am hoping that by putting this out there that it will give me some added incentive and added accountability.  I am also looking for some advice on navigating the whole author/publisher scene if at all possible.  I am completely open and welcome to any suggestions or ideas that you see. 

Thank You!!   

Social Capital

From Jean Chatzky’s book THE DIFFERENCE –

“Ever heard of “social capital”? This is the currency of connections. Social capital is the asset that is created when relationships between people change in ways that lead to action, generally for the good.”  ………………

“Like stocks, real estate, or other assets, social capital has value—sometimes huge value.”

“Surprisingly, weak ties in the workforce can be more valuable than strong ones.”

“A weak tie is formed when you are both connected to a third person—a friend of a friend—or connected to a common network, such as an alumni association. You have less frequent contact with this person, or those contacts are more superficial in nature, yet these weak

ties have been shown to be the most important source of information on jobs. And they can help in boosting your salary, getting you a promotion, increasing your career satisfaction, and gaining access to information. The more of these weak ties you have, the better. So invest in

casting a wide, but careful, net.”  (A great book, I would highly recommend it if you are looking to make a financial difference in your life.)

I must say that I am one of these people that have a lot of weak ties (as Jean Chatzky call them) everywhere.  I try and know everyone I can atleast to some degree.  I have established these ties from my many jobs, my girl’s school and sport functions, volunteering with the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life and Girl Scouts.  I attend as many networking events (especially women based ones) and classes as possible. 

Recently, I have witnessed the advantages of my weak ties.  A few weeks ago while talking to our computer repair guy at work I happened to mention that I do QuickBooks and bookkeeping work as a part time thing on my own.  He didn’t end up coming in to work on our computers but he asked me to send him some of my business cards and so I did.  I got my first phone call from one of my business cards that he passed out. 

I am also looking into my options for alternative housing arrangements.  A customer of mine at my full time job that I happened to have also done some QuickBooks setup work for also happens to be good friends with my truck driver at my full time job.  Through conversation with my truck driver about looking for a house to rent, he knew that I was looking and while seeing them over the weekend they happened to mention renting out their house.  Of course my truck driver told them he thought that I was looking for a place.  Through all of our connections they are well aware of whom I am and they expressed some interest if their plans to move go through.

I guess what I am getting at is that you never know when someone you know in a casual nature may become a valuable contact in your career or otherwise.  As Jean Chatzky says, “The more weak ties you have, the better,”  So build up your “Social Capital” and watch for the opportunities to arise.    

Online Dating, Maybe?

I have heard numerous happy ending stories from friends, relatives, and sometimes a stranger or two about meeting their soul mate online.  I have had my match.com profile for about a week and let me tell you I can't really imagine how.  I was very skepticle at first but I finally did it. 

Let me tell you what I have received so far in my first week:

162 Profile Views from god only knows who or what.

13 Winks from people, (at the risk of sounding prissy, which I am not), I wouldn't take the time to give my wrong number to.

8 Winks sent, oh and I think I did receive an e-mail from one of them yesterday but yet to get another return e-mail.  But then again they probably feel the same about me as I do my winks received. 

1 Phone Conversation (after a few IM chats of course) that pretty much ended with are you sure you are 38;  I guess when his profile headline was "Age is just a number" should have been the dead giveaway.  "HELLO, DING, DING, DING".  Come on people do you not realize that you may meet these people some day.  Fess up and get it over with at least then you know they are genuinely interested.

Oh!  I can't forget the latest IM chat tonight that ended with him getting exhausted as soon as the conversation rolled around to my kids.  Did he not read my Profile and see (3) kids that always live at home? 

I do know that Patience is a Virtue so I guess I won't give up yet after all I did pay for three months.  I might as well give it that and I promise I will with an open mind, well sort of anyways.

Wish me luck it looks like I may need it.....      

Abusive Relationships

Abusive relationships do not normally come out of the blue.  They tend to have numerous warning signs before the actual abuse begins.  There are also different types of abuse physical, sexual, and verbal.  I am no expert but I unfortunately have been a victim of all three to some degree.  I choose to be a victim NO MORE!!!!

The warning signs and prerequisites of physical abuse are sometimes more obvious than others,

·         Everything is a big rush:

o   They Rush things.  Everything happens very fast.  Being together all of the time, I love you, Sex, Moving in together.

o   Constantly showering you with gifts and compliments for no reason.

o   They want to hurry and get you attached before their true colors shine through.

·         Jealousy:

o   Not wanting you to talk to other boys.  How do you think that makes me feel? 

o   Not wanting you to wear makeup or do your hair anymore or not wear certain clothes.

o   Normally you get lines like, You are so beautiful without it or who are you trying to impress, you have me. 

·         Alienation from friends and family.

o   Not wanting you to hang out with your friends anymore.  They will always have reasons that you can’t.  You need to be home for my phone calls and so on.

o   Nobody loves you like I do.

o   You and I are all we have.

·         Defensive Attitude

o   When you mention family questioning your relationship he will tell you they just don’t know what it is like to be in love.

o   Everyone is jealous of what you have.

o   No one wants us to be happy.

·         Beginning signs of abuse.

o   You’ll start seeing not so innocent accidents.

o   Pushing, grabbing, shoving.

o   Possibly some throwing of things and punching of walls and so on.

o   Oh it was an accident.

o   I’m so sorry.

·         Verbal Abuse

o   You are no good.

o   No one else would ever love you.

o   Various four letter names that I won’t list here.

·         Progressive abuse

o   Before long it will progress.

o   At first a slap here and there in a fit of anger.

o   Followed by apologies and gifts.

o   And then a rerun all over again getting worse as time goes on as they see they can get away with it.

o   They break you down and belittle you until you are too scared and believe you have no choice.

Love should not hurt.  Love is a beautiful thing when you find it.  You can not change someone and you can not help them under these conditions. 

If you are a victim of these circumstances please seek help and GET OUT.  If you believe that someone that you love is a victim help them.  It will not be easy but there is help out there.  www.ncvc.org is a National Website to help victims of abuse.   

I haven chosen to be a victim NO MORE and so should you. 

Mi Monacita

Have you ever had one of those friends that no matter how much time has passed you can talk to them after years and it is like you haven’t missed a wink?  No matter how much you have evolved and missed.  I am fortunate enough that I have a few of these friends.

One of my oldest is Mi Monacita.  We have known each other more than two thirds of our life.  I am sorry to say but this has happened to us numerous times throughout our lives.  No matter how many different paths that we take in our lives they always seem to cross again. 

She has been there for many of the major milestones in my life since we were in our single digits.  First kisses, periods, losing my virginity to the one boy that we were both fascinated about as girls, the night we discovered I was her “longest friend”, water filled Vodka bottles, among many more memories. 

There was our much needed phone call, after being out of touch again for a couple of years, when we both happened to be young and confused.  Oh and let’s not forget pregnant.  Almost as though we knew we needed each other to relate to at that rough point in our lives, even though we were thousands of miles apart.

And again after nearly 10 years, a controlling boyfriend, children, husbands, and life in general, where do we find each other?  On MySpace of course, where I have connected with many of my friends that I lost throughout the years.  Like it always is picking up where we left off without a wink.

These friends are irreplaceable.  Just because you don’t talk to someone regularly does not mean that you don’t love them, want them, or need them.  They are the ones that can and will help find you when you’re lost, remind you when you have forgotten.    

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

As I lay on my side on the kitchen floor, home alone and unable to move, I was trying desperately not to panic.  I don’t think I have ever been so scared in my life.  It was almost like one of those out of body experiences.  I can still visualize myself falling and being embraced by the top of my garbage can, if that’s what you want to call it, before I must have blacked out.  You know like in the movies where they replay those intense moments before someone dies over and over and over again.

When I came back to, as I can only imagine it being a few minutes, I realize what happened and I tried to get up and find myself unable to move.  I tried to lift my head and I couldn’t, I tried to position my arms to lift myself up and they don’t move.  I couldn’t pull my legs toward my chest.  It was really at this point that I think I may have tried to call out for help but nothing came out.  Not as though it mattered because who was going to hear me?  No one, I was alone.  It felt as though I was in a straight jacket with a muzzle on (my family would have loved it under any other circumstances). 

By now it was clear to me I really wasn’t going anywhere.  I couldn’t move, I couldn’t shout out and of course it was probably the only time in history my phone was not attached to my hip and that gut wrenching fear overcame me.  I could feel the extreme panic starting to creep up from deep in my stomach and my mind just went into overdrive about a hundred miles an hour.  Oh my god, what am I going to do?  I got to get up.  I can’t just lay here.  I can’t move.  The girls will be home from school in a few hours.  They can’t find me like this.  The thoughts went on and on. 

Then I couldn’t even believe it as I thought to myself, “Help I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”  It brought back flashbacks of us as teenagers when that commercial came out and we used to run around like idiots laughing at each other, “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”  Leave to me to joke at a time like this.  But it somehow brought my wits about me and i even caught myself chuckling. 

This really made me start to rationalize a bit and I actually had a lucid thought or at least at the time I thought it was.  I got my arm up under my head and I tell myself to get it together and do not panic.  I convince myself to just relax and close my eyes for a few minutes and then try to get myself together enough to at least crawl back to my bed and my phone for help.

I've Fallen Part Two

Well there I lay on the floor in the middle of my kitchen floor.  After passing out and not being able to move I decided to close my eyes and let myself fall to sleep, only realizing days later what an incredibly stupid idea it was under the circumstances.  You know all of those “What if ….?” thoughts. 

I woke up to my telephone ringing in my bedroom.  It took me a few minutes to get my thoughts together and remember where I was and why I was on the floor.  It couldn’t have been very long since I dosed off.  Once it all came back to me I tried to move again.  This time I’m feeling a little bit better but as I’m starting to sit up I feel pretty light headed so I lay back down. 

I’m laying there and I still can’t quite get up.  I happened to look disgustedly under my cupboards at the grime that has built up there.  You know that part that you can’t reach too well with the broom, let alone the mop.  OMG when was the last time I really cleaned my floor?  I guess we will call it a side effect of being a single mother of three girls that works three jobs and spends the rest of her time trying to make up for it.  Where the hell are the warning labels for that?

I finally got myself rolled over and sat up.  I sat there next to my tipped over garbage can, thank god I must have changed the bag the night before, between the cupboards and the refrigerator.  My refrigerator was pushed across the room a few feet and both the refrigerator and freezer doors were wide open.  Apparently when I collapsed I fell harder than I thought.

I sat there for a few more minutes before I eventually felt strong enough to stand myself up.  I closed the refrigerator and freezer doors and stumbled my way to my bedroom and climbed back into my bed.  I followed the constant missed call beeps to find my phone amongst the pillows and blankets scattered across my bed to see that my mom had called.  She was calling to check on me.  Boy did she have impeccable timing or maybe it was her motherly instinct kicking in.   

I called my mom back and told her what happened.  Of course she got alarmed and insisted on taking me to the Emergency Room or calling 911.  I don’t ever go to the doctor’s due to lack of insurance so she was expecting the usual fight but due to being petrified I agreed without any hesitation. 

I got the emergency room and I waited a few hours, had some rods stuck up my nose for tests, and coughed so hard I nearly quit breathing while the doctor listened to my lungs.  Oh and we can’t forget meeting, sort of, the very nice looking and single x-ray technician.  Finally, I was diagnosed with the whooping cough of all things.  The Doctor prescribed me some medicine that would cure pretty much everything, except with this it will only make me not contagious as long, and some heavy narcotics to help with the cough which were too strong for me to take more than a couple of days and take care of my kids.  To top it off he gave me a long medical term for a reason that I had passed out having something to do with my coughing.

Here I am two weeks later and still coughing away.  I can’t say that this was the scariest experience of my life.  But considering the evil that lies out there I am thankful that it was one of the more frightening things to happen to me.  

Leave the Past in the Past

Just a little advice for a friend that was having an internal issue over an incounter of hers. She was involved very briefly with a man that led her to believe he was single to only tell her later that he had a girlfriend. I thought we all could get some use of......Hopefully the beginning of something more to come.....

Wow, U and I are living the same life. I am going through the same issues. But instead I'm the PLAYED GONE PLAYIN. lol. I guess you can call it keepin my options open and not gettin attached. I got pretty sick of waiting around for phone calls and etc..... So I don't, I meet some more. IF they call great if not who cares. NEXT.................


Anyways this is about YOU...

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. It's over, leave the past exactly where it belongs, the past. You can't change it so don't sweat it. But you live and learn and move on. Besides our mistakes are what make us who we are (as we all know I've made plenty, but I'm stronger for it.) Very Very similar one 2 weekends ago, but god after being pursued for 15 years its hard to keep sayin no (especially when it's been a while, lol). Like Raven says their relationships are their responsibilty, not ours. It doesn't make it right, cause I feel the same way as you, but ITS THE PAST.

As far as who you have become. I think we are both Strong, Successful, and Beautiful WOMEN and more importantly SINGLE (even though some of us have more baggage than others), Although we maybe slightly misguided, mislead at times and definately misunderstood all the time (oooops, that's me lol). But all the same we are who we are and our biggest problem is that these BOYS just can't handle it. They need to get out of the way and make room for the MEN.

Always remember, You decide who you want to be, not someone else. And you will meet who you want to meet, you just need to know who and what that is. I've learned that the hard way and I know now that there are good men out there, I just had to decide there was. You will find love again too, the first step is to truly believe it. I still haven't found the one or anyone for that matter but I'm definately havin fun while I look cause I'm sick of waitin around.

Anyways Honey, Keep living, make your mistakes and learn from them. Enjoy being single because it won't last forever. Besides sometimes you just gotta have some good hard core fun. If we were men, all the lil boys would be kissing up and hoisting us up on their shoulders like gods and beggin for our left overs, lol.

My other suggestion would be to get your own personal counselor (mine being my sister in law, she's saving me all sorts of money). You know that one person you can talk to and will ask which one was that again, lol. And to remind you to be safe and not to get attached.

Like they say there are all sorts of fish in the sea, So cast more poles and someday you'll catch the keeper.
In the mean time live and enjoy being single.

Welcome!

......

Looking Ahead

As Dr. Robin says,"There is a reason that the windshield of the car is so much bigger than than the rearview mirror.  Because what is ahead of you is far more impotant than what is behind you."

This means so much to me and they are such great words to live by.  I don't know about everyone else but I have made MANY mistakes in my past.  The children to young, not finishing or going back to school, those one night stands, you know the routine.  But I haved learned to forgive and forget and look ahead and live for the future. 

Sisterhood Nominees

 First of all I would like to thank seasonedexperience for the nomination. :)

My nominees are (can I really only pick 5?!?)

1. SeasonedExperience 

2. felista  

3. Sally G.

4. authorslegacy

 5. fromthehipchick 

I love reading all of your blogs!  I can't wait to see more.  Thank you all for your stories of life and inspiration!!  I sure hope I did this right.....

And, now that I've nominated you all for the Sisterhood Award here are your instructions!

1. Put the logo on your blog.

2. Nominate at least 5 other bloggers for their "attitude" and/or "gratitude."

3. Link to your nominees within your post.

4. Let your nominees know by commenting on their post.

5. Link your nomination post to the person who nominated you

2nd Sisterhood Nomination..

 First of all I would like to thank fromthehipchick  for the nomination:)

Since I got a second nomination I'm going to nominate one that I didn't get to.

1.  mn.risley  -- I didn't forget you I ran out of nominations, lol!!  Sorry!

Thank you :P 

And, now that I've nominated you all for the Sisterhood Award here are your instructions!

1. Put the logo on your blog.

2. Nominate at least 5 other bloggers for their "attitude" and/or "gratitude."

3. Link to your nominees within your post.

4. Let your nominees know by commenting on their post.

5. Link your nomination post to the person who nominated you